However, my thoughts and feelings have been drawn to people whose mothers have made their transition, and even more so to mothers whose children have passed from this world or are alive but estranged. No matter how long it's been they remember and may wonder what might have been if their child was still here.
From a human perspective I think most people would agree this is the greatest tragedy a mother faces, and my heart hurts for my friends whose children have passed in their teenage and early adult years. I have others whose adult children are no longer involved in their lives for a variety of reasons. These friends hearts break when they see Mother’s Day promotions.
My own mother has Alzheimer’s. Initially I grieved for the person she had been, but thanks to choosing to see it from a different perspective, I now enjoy the simple pleasures she gets from her food, my visits, the resident birds and her talking interactive toy dog, Violet.
So I wondered, what can we do as our Divine Selves to support our friends who may find Mother’s Day or any holiday, birthday or anniversary a challenging day because they have a loved one who passed or is estranged?
There are as many ways to approach this as there are unique people experiencing it. But there are a few things that might help. Check in and ensure you are in your highest frequency, connected to the Divine You and All That IS, as you read this.
1st It helps if you get clear on your own beliefs about life and death.
From a higher conscious perspective, I believe that our consciousness never dies, that our essence continues to exist. From there I can’t be sure what occurs. Perhaps we can choose to reincarnate, or live in a different form elsewhere in the Omniverse. Maybe we spend time in heaven we created for a while.
I believe anything is possible, but from what I have been experiencing with my friends and my father who passed, we go into a different plane when we leave this body to continue great work from “the other side,” which is now easily accessible from a transcendent state.
I personally don’t recall ever having a fear of dying myself. Death is just a continuation of how I approach life: I’m curious to find out “What’s more?”
But whatever happens, this notion of continuing on infinitely is what removes any fear for a person who chooses a higher conscious life.
It also helps to have the experience of connecting with a person or pet who has passed. People may just get a thought about the person, feel their presence, or smell their pipe tobacco or perfume, or another scent they associate with a person. They may see an animal or bird that reminds you of the loved one. I like to think that person is communicating to us. Other people have more detailed images or messages. In the past from my nursing studies, I thought it was just part of the grieving process, like old habits of setting the table for the one who passed, but now I choose to believe otherwise. Whichever you choose to believe, if you have thought about this you are more likely to reassure your grieving friend they aren’t going crazy.
If it’s a situation where the family is estranged, look for the highest good in the situation. It is healthier to live without the drama and trauma than with the stress of a toxic relationship. It takes courage to do so.
2nd Of course, when you want to support someone whose lost their child or their mother thru death or estrangement It goes without saying …… Don’t force your beliefs on them.
It may not even be appropriate to share your beliefs. But just knowing your own feelings and connecting with the highest frequency of infinite peace and love will assist you in coming from a place of caring and compassion.
3rd Depending on the person, you may wish to make a general comment like “This can be a difficult time of year…. How are you doing?” Or you could be more direct, “ I’ve been thinking about you and want you to know I’d like to spend time with you around this mother's day.”
Offer to take your friend out for coffee, or a walk. Then just listen and honour their wishes if they want to talk about their loss or focus on enjoying your visit. You can ask them which they’d prefer.
In my experience as a public health nurse who used to visit grieving clients, they'd confide that people who interacted with them had an expectation that after a few months they should get on with their life. Their visitors feel uncomfortable talking about the person who passed, thinking it would make the grief worse. So there was no one to talk to, no opportunity to reminisce about the loved one, to share positive or not so positive feelings and memories.
It can be a huge relief for your friend to be able to share with you. You can be a safe place where they can express their sadness, anger, fear, pain, hurt, regrets, rejection and confusion or just remember the good times.
If you feel overwhelmed take a deep breath get in touch with your highest frequency. Remember this isn’t about you and don’t take on their feelings. As a Divine being you can see your friend in their highest greatest being and brilliance. Remember and feel their strength, courage and ability. After all they have gotten thru this on other special days.
You don’t have to know what to say. It’s fine to say “I’m sorry you’re hurting and I don’t know what to say.” Silences are fine. It’s ok for you to cry. You are not a therapist. They don’t need to be fixed.
If your friend cries, don’t try to placate them or get them to stop. I don’t even offer a tissue. I’ve found it interrupts their process. Touch is important, so if it feels appropriate, place your hand on their arm or give them a hug, when they seem to have finished, but not before. I have found it helpful in many cases to tell them that you admire their strength and courage and that you have faith that they will get thru this.
4th I suppose most people are familiar with the 7 stages of grief. Holiday’s birthdays and anniversaries of death may trigger a stage of grief for years after, especially when a child passes. So it’s not a surprise that your friend may re-experience their rollercoaster ride.
But you don’t need to expect that. Each person has their own pace of getting on with life and their own perception of the event and the hereafter. You can draw from your own experience as a Divine Being. Even if you believe a person you love is in a better place and you connect with their essence and spirit there, you may still remember times when the person was alive and miss them. But that may be a pointer for you to connect and communicate with them in whatever form they are now.
5th If it’s appropriate you may want to ask your friend what they think happens to someone when they pass. This opens up the conversation.
IF they ask you what you think, you can offer your perspective, and acknowledge that it’s only your way of looking at it. Or it may be that they will be tired after they speak about their loved one and want some alone time. Just let them know you’re there for them and that you enjoy their company no matter what you talk about.
6th So remember to focus your intentions on being a support. Just be present in the moment in your highest Divine frequency and breathe. See them being infused with love and light energy.
Don’t expect to change or shift someone or coax them into the wonders of higher conscious living with you. Accept where they are at.
You may find though, that when someone experiences the Divine You over time, they will eventually ask how you enjoy life so much and have an inner radiance and wellbeing. That’s the time to share.